


To Cherish Him

by Leloi



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Loneliness, M/M, Pining, Pon Farr, Post-Star Trek: Into Darkness, Space Husbands, T'hy'la, plak tow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-08
Updated: 2014-07-08
Packaged: 2018-02-07 23:45:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1918662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leloi/pseuds/Leloi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirk stood up, staring down at Spock’s boots.  “You have Uhura.  That’s your path.  I have never had anyone want me like… Can’t I have this, Spock?  Please?”  Flicking up his eyes he checked Spock’s face for emotions.  As always it was carefully guarded.  “He loves me.”  A smile broke out on Kirk’s face, thinking of their last night together.  “Without even having to change myself he loves me.  He looks at me like… I’m the only being in the universe.  And when he touches me…”  Pure giddiness welled up in Kirk’s spirit at the memories.  “It’s… Electrifying.  It’s…”</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Cherish Him

**Author's Note:**

> This has been hanging out on my desktop for almost a year now. It's finally done! Yay! There's too many Spocks to keep track of. And in this fic Kirk has sex with three of them.
> 
> Warnings for:  
> Rough sex. Plak Tow isn't pretty. But Kirk understand it and consents.
> 
> This is my 50th fic on AO3! Yay!

James Kirk’s laugh echoed through the restaurant causing Spock to freeze and stare at his girlfriend. “What is it?” Nyota Uhura asked, lightly drawing her fingers over Spock’s fingertips. 

“I heard…” Spock frowned and looked around to find the source of the laughter. Twenty feet away Kirk sat and smiled at his dinner companion, a glass of wine in one hand. 

“Oh! It’s Kirk!” Uhura smiled. “He’s looking better. You’d never know he died last month.”

Spock did not reply.

“Who is he with?” Uhura shifted her seat a little to try and get a better look at Kirk’s date… for that’s all this could be… A date.

Completely oblivious Kirk raised his index and middle finger as an older hand rubbed their fingers together. 

“He’s with a Vulcan!” 

Spock paled but otherwise didn’t respond to Uhura’s observation. 

“Spock… He’s… Practically making out with a Vulcan… an older Vulcan by the looks of it.”

“Nyota…” Spock breathed and shook his head. “Do not…”

“Excuse me…” Nyota got up from the table and headed towards Kirk’s table, pretending to head towards the restroom. “Oh! Hello Kirk… Fancy meeting you here!” 

Kirk looked stunned a moment before smiling up at his communications officer. “Uhura! How are you?”

“I’m fine… I’m here with Spock.” Uhura indicated their table where an annoyed looking Spock seemed to be looking everywhere but at his girlfriend.

“Oh… You’ve met Ambassador Spock.” Kirk indicated the older Vulcan. “Spock, this is Uhura.”

“It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.” The older Spock smiled warmly at the lieutenant. “Jim has told me many things about you.”

“He… has? Good things I hope.” Uhura laughed nervously.

“I was remarking on the similarities between our timelines. In my own universe Uhura was one of the most talented bridge crew I ever served with.”

“That is good to know. I hope I can fill her shoes.”

“From what Jim tells me… you are more than capable.”

Kirk laughed nervously and absently touched Spock’s fingers with his own. 

Uhura watched their fingers, aware of what it meant. “Thank you, Ambassador Spock… Kirk… If you’ll excuse me…” 

“Bye…” Kirk called to her retreating figure. 

When Uhura spent sufficient time in the restroom she returned to her own table. “They’re making out. Kirk is making out with your older double.”

Spock raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Perhaps he is unaware…”

“No, Spock… They both know exactly what they are doing.”

^.~ 

Kirk felt lighter than air. Never had post coital afterglow felt so good… So right as it did in that moment. The ambassador had been almost mind blowing in his techniques… Surprising for a stuffy Vulcan. But as the older Spock was quick to point out he was only HALF stuffy Vulcan. The rest of him was very human. His backside was just a little sore as he walked home from Elder Spock’s hotel after spending the night in the Vulcan’s arms. And in his mind there was a soft buzz left over from their meld.

“I can drive you home, Jim…” 

“I don’t live very far… I’ll see you later.” Kirk kissed the Vulcan, pushing his tongue into the other man’s mouth to taste him. The Elder Spock held him with strong arms as if trying to draw Kirk into himself. 

“Be safe, Ashayam.” 

“Tomorrow night…” A quick peck on the lips and Kirk pulled away to begin his journey home.

Passing through Golden Gate Park he stopped to admire the trees and the flowers, wondering if they always looked so green or bright.

“Captain?”

Kirk spun around to see Uhura and Spock staring at him with suspicion. 

“Oh… Hi guys…” Kirk beamed at them. Really after the mind blowing sex he didn’t have it in him to be annoyed with Spock and his girlfriend this morning. “Lovely day…”

“You’re on your way home from your meeting last night.” Uhura stated.

Kirk looked down at his clothes he wore on his date and grinned as he picked at his rumpled shirt. “Yeah… You caught me.” Running his fingers through his hair to bring some order to it he chuckled softly. “Well… I best be off…” And he casually began to limp off.

“Captain!” Spock’s voice called him with a sharper tone.

“Who are you calling ‘captain’?” Kirk asked as he spun around to walk backwards. “I seem to recall getting demoted. Not that it matters… It’s ALL good.” With a giggle Kirk turned around again to walk forward.

Uhura sprinted to catch up with him, falling into stride with him as her boyfriend caught up. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Of course I do! Why wouldn’t I?” 

“I’ve seen you after a one night stand and you don’t act like this!” Uhura insisted.

Kirk stopped and turned around to look at them. “Why do you think I had a one night stand?”

“You smell of sex.” Spock stated.

Kirk shook his head. “It wasn’t a one night stand. I saw things… Good things. I didn’t know it could be so… Good.”

“You are… In a relationship with Ambassador Spock?” Uhura asked, rubbing her face in an exasperated manner.

Spock looked concerned. “Vulcans do not do casual intercourse… This is serious.”

“I know what this is!” Kirk stepped away from his former crewmates. “He was… I want to say amazing but that doesn’t even begin to describe it!” 

“If you are not careful you will find yourself bonded to my counterpart!” Spock growled.

“So? I saw things… Like… A thread… And he kept calling me things in Vulcan like… Ashayam and… T’hy’la… I never felt so at peace before… So… Wanted. It was incredible.”

As Kirk spoke Spock’s eyes showed the intensity of his emotions. “No… This cannot be.”

“Well it IS!” Kirk snapped back. “He LOVES me! No one has EVER loved me!” Kirk resumed his walk. “Goodbye!”

^.~

“Spock.” The elder counterpart greeted as he opened the door. “What brings you here?”

“You are in a relationship with the captain.” Spock stated simply and to the point.

“That is correct.” Ambassador Spock answered.

“Why?” Spock demanded.

“In this universe he is alone… He has always been alone.”

“This is not your universe.” Spock stated.

The elder Spock bit his lower lip, eyebrows furrowed in thought. “It is my understanding that you are with Nyota Uhura in this timeline.”

“That is correct.”

“It stands to reason that when your Time comes you will have her assistance. She will become your wife.” Opening the door wider, he allowed his younger counterpart entrance, knowing the subject was too delicate to be discussed in hotel hallways.

Spock entered the hotel room, hands clasped behind his back. “Have you spoken of that to James Kirk of my timeline?”

“He knows.”

Spock spun around to face him. “How does he know?”

“When I first arrived I melded with him. There were many details about my life he witnessed. There was a detail I could not hide.”

“Pon Farr?” Spock cocked his head to the side in askance.

“He knows that I was married to his counterpart.”

Spock took a deep breath to cover his discomfort. “You married your captain.”

“At the time he was my admiral. But yes… I married James Tiberius Kirk after my resurrection. It took us that long to realize the extent of our connection. He was the logical choice of mates.”

“James Kirk…?” Spock echoed.

“So logically… When my Time is upon me in this timeline his counterpart is a logical choice for a mate… Especially since he understands the connection and you are in a relationship with another.”

“You told me I had to choose my own path…” Spock frowned at the floor.

“And James Kirk of this timeline has his own path.”

“Do not…” Spock began but them stopped and frowned. “Do not do this… With him.”

“You would deny him his path?”

“He is not yours.” 

“Nor is he yours.” The elder answered. “He came to me, Spock. He sought me out on his own. He has already decided…”

“You can deny him.” Spock insisted. “You can find someone else when your Time comes.”

The elder shook his head with a sad smile. “I could never deny James Kirk anything.” 

^.~

“You must not do this!” 

Kirk blinked several times before opening his apartment door wider for Spock to enter. “Do… What? Commander?”

“You plan to marry my elder counterpart at his next Pon Farr.” Spock answered as he entered the apartment.

“I don’t think it’s any of your business…” Kirk replied as he sat down on the couch.

“He is my counterpart.”

“I know who he is.” Kirk rolled his eyes. “Trust me… I’ve seen inside his mind… I know exactly who he is.”

“He is nearing the end of his lifespan.”

“Why should that matter? I’m human… My lifespan is already short compared to a Vulcan’s.” Kirk shrugged. “Besides I think we might have the same number of years left. I’m not getting any younger. My counterpart was in his sixties…”

“Jim.” Spock’s voice broke as he frowned at his former captain. 

Kirk stood up, staring down at Spock’s boots. “You have Uhura. That’s your path. I have never had anyone want me like… Can’t I have this, Spock? Please?” Flicking up his eyes he checked Spock’s face for emotions. As always it was carefully guarded. “He loves me.” A smile broke out on Kirk’s face, thinking of their last night together. “Without even having to change myself he loves me. He looks at me like… I’m the only being in the universe. And when he touches me…” Pure giddiness welled up in Kirk’s spirit at the memories. “It’s… Electrifying. It’s…”

And then Spock took Kirk by the shoulders to press a kiss against his lips. Something inside shivered and pulsed at the press of their lips together. For a long moment neither one of them moved, allowing the sensations to wash over the both of them. Finally Spock pulled away and pressed his lips together as if to analyze the residual tingle.

“T’hy’la…” Kirk finished his last interrupted sentence.

Spock shut his eyes, feeling a moment of intense hunger and longing before shutting it away. “I have to go.” Quickly he left the apartment, never stopping until he was safely outside.

^.~

“What’s wrong?” Uhura asked.

“I… Kissed him.”

Uhura blinked a few times, perplexed. “Your counterpart?”

“Jim.”

“And?” Uhura prompted scooting closer to her silently brooding boyfriend.

“I felt it.”

“What did you feel?” Uhura demanded.

“T’hy’la…”

^.~

They went about their duties as they were expected. Ambassador Spock returned to his home on New Vulcan as James Kirk taught at the academy for a semester. Soon enough the Enterprise was rechristened and Kirk finally made his way to the stars on his five year mission. 

Leave was spent on New Vulcan where he spent days in Elder Spock’s bed. Months of denying himself were satisfied in the arms of his Vulcan mate. At the end of each leave he returned to the Enterprise with a spring in his step and a grin on his lips.

“You look positively indecent.” Bones commented once during a post-leave physical. “I would say monogamy agrees with you, but I know who you’ve been seeing. It’s not right.”

“Oh, lighten up.” Kirk answered. “At least I won’t get space herpes or accidentally get someone pregnant.”

At that moment Spock entered the medical bay for his own physical.

“It’s still not right…” Bones commented in a lower tone. “He’s old enough to be your… Grandfather!”

“Just think of all the life experience he has.” Kirk answered with a grin.

“No, thank you!” McCoy answered as he signed off on Kirk’s paperwork. 

“Well… I won’t invite you to the wedding.” Kirk informed his CMO with a giggle and offered his Vulcan first officer a lewd wink before leaving the medical bay.

McCoy spent most of Spock’s physical muttering under his breath about geriatric Vulcans not keeping their hands to themselves.

Spock remained silent on the matter.

^.~

As time passed Spock adapted to his role as T’hy’la. For that’s what Kirk was to him… T’hy’la. It was the reason Kirk could not leave him in the volcano and it was the reason Spock nearly killed Khan. It was the “profound friendship” Spock’s elder counterpart had hinted at. The word had returned to being the unspoken connection between them. But now that connection had a name. 

The word had several meanings. In olden days before Surak it was a warrior bond between shield brothers. T’hy’la lived, fought and died together on the fields of battle. And when the blood fever came it satisfied the mating urge when females were at home tending to offspring.

With the awareness of the T’hy’la bond, Spock felt a dedication to Kirk’s personal safety. On away missions when there was a threat he put himself between Kirk and the threat. The bond made them equals as warriors, but Spock was all too aware of Kirk’s human frailties and recklessness thanks to their run in with Khan.

During one particularly gruesome away mission Spock found himself bleeding in his T’hy’la’s arms. 

“You idiot…” Kirk cried, holding Spock’s body to his chest, hands stained green from Spock’s blood. “Just hold on… Don’t leave me.”

“I do not plan to…” Spock sighed, closing his eyes and taking comfort from their connection. 

Kirk put more pressure on the wound, waiting for Dr. McCoy’s team. “Nyota will kill me.”

“She will do no such thing.”

“She will. I would…” Kirk pushed his fist deeper into the wound. “If it was me… And you were mine I would be upset that you keep putting your life in danger for some other person.”

“You are my captain.”

Kirk shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.”

“You are also T’hy’la.” 

“It still doesn’t matter. Besides… That’s a warrior bond. I know how it works. We protect each other. Which means no more of this. No more self-sacrifice.” Kirk adjusted his grip, his face pressed against the back of Spock’s head as he concentrated on keeping his hand in the wound. “Why don’t you want me to marry him?”

“My counterpart?” Spock closed his eyes. Kirk’s presence was stabilizing his mind, making it easy to block the pain. “His interference…”

“But without him… You and I wouldn’t even be friends. And I’d be dead.”

“Had he not entered our timeline… Perhaps you and I would have met in the same way he met his James Kirk. But both of us would be different people.”

“Vulcan would still be there… I would have had a dad… Mom…” Kirk lapsed into silence, taking in the scent of Spock’s hair. “I hope they beam us up soon.”

“I find your attempts at distraction to be helpful.”

“He makes me feel whole. Like… I’ve been empty for a really long time. Being with him… With you… I’m sorry. I don’t know how to explain it.”

“Do not be sorry.” Spock answered wearily, the blood loss beginning to weaken him.

“It’s just that… He needs me. He needs me in a way you don’t need me. You have Nyota. He is alone… I’m alone.”

Spock pressed back against his T’hy’la, torn. Why couldn’t he have both? His ancestors had both. But before he could respond the transporter activated and they were brought on board. 

The two were separated, Spock to the medical bay and Kirk to wash Spock’s blood away. After surgery Kirk returned to stand by Spock’s bedside as the Vulcan slept. The human’s fingers lightly traced Spock’s fingers from knuckles to fingertip and back again, over and over. 

Hours later when Spock woke he found Kirk’s hand in his own and the captain asleep in a chair beside his bed. Giving the hand that held his own a gentle squeeze he fell into a light healing trance, grateful for Kirk’s stabilizing presence at the back of his mind. 

^.~

“Greetings Spock.” The elder smiled back at his younger counterpart.

Spock had put off this conversation for as long as he could. It was clear from his most recent brush with death that it was long overdue. He had to know for his own peace of mind and there was only one person in the universe that had first had knowledge of the information he sought. “If my James Kirk bonds with you during Pon Farr… Will I lose my connection with him?”

“No. I do not think so.” Elder Spock answered. “In fact it might deepen. I am you and you are me. We are the same katra in two different bodies. When Jim binds himself to one of us… It might affect both of us.”

“And yet you would still go through with this?” Spock frowned.

“I welcome it.” The Elder Spock’s eyes twinkled in delight. 

“But it affects me.”

Elder Spock made a face that was rather un-Vulcan.

“You are affecting my path.” 

“Spock… James Kirk is the other half of our katra. I would not give him up or replace him with an inferior match. He loves us and I return that love with all my heart to my last dying breath. I belong with him.”

“You did not give me the chance to make my own decision before you took him from me.”

The Elder Spock looked surprised. “You are with Nyota Uhura.”

Spock made a face that only a fellow Vulcan could see as distaste.

“What is it?” 

“He is T’hy’la.”

Elder Spock raised his eyebrows.

“A part of me wishes to have both. But that is selfish and illogical of me…”

“In the time before Surak we were allowed to take both mate and T’hy’la.” Elder Spock stated.

“I kissed him… The human way… And our way. Every time I touch him I feel as if an electrical current is running up my spine. He has a way around my shields. I hunger for his touch. I hunger for something I cannot have.”

Elder Spock closed his eyes and took a deep breath as if you focus his breath. “You want him.”

“It is unfair to Nyota…” Spock shook his head. “It is unfair to you.” Spock bowed his head before his elder counterpart. “What am I to do?”

“Does Jim know?”

“His faithfulness to you is commendable. I find myself being the one that is weak.”

“You are not weak, Spock.” Elder Spock gave a bit of a sigh before smiling at his younger self. “I fell in love with my captain. It is as you describe… His touch resonated with my body. I wanted to claim him but I dared not. We were friends and nothing more for twenty years. I was content to be at his side for all time. It was not until I attempted Kolinahr that I found out he was T’hy’la. His katra called to me from across the stars and I returned to him, knowing what he was. My next Pon Farr we mated on the sands of Vulcan. It was the most pleasing union I have ever known.”

Spock frowned during Elder Spock’s words. “Why did you attempt Kolinahr?”

“My emotions were… I could not… I did not want to ruin our friendship so I never…” The elder stared down at the desk before him, having great difficulty expressing his emotions. “I loved him with all of my human heart. For a time I thought that was a flaw in my character. He married several times, always women and I thought he could never want me the way I wanted him. I tried to purge my love for him but I did not succeed. Our connection was too strong… A connection I did not know existed until I heard him call to me from across the stars.” Elder Spock finally raised his eyes. “How did you find out he was T’hy’la?”

“He told me.” Spock answered. “And when I kissed him I knew it was true.”

“What will you do about it?”

“What can I do about it? He is your intended.”

“He is our intended.”

“We are different people.”

“If I had the chance to take him when we were younger… I would have never let him go. He was a good mate and accepted me even though I was old and foolish for making him wait for so long. When I asked him to be my bondmate he said, ‘Took you long enough, Spock.’ All that wasted time we could have been together…” Tears formed in the corners of the old Vulcan’s eyes.

“He is dead. He is human, his lifespan is shorter than yours.”

“I shared one Pon Farr with him. Only one. I was about to start my next Time when… Our bond went silent.”

Spock dropped his eyes to the desk, trying to control the overwhelming sense of despair and pain that came from the old Vulcan on the monitor.

“It was not that he was dead and our bond severed… He ceased to exist. I lost him to an anomaly. I felt his return many years later, but it was brief and then he was gone, dead. I later received the report that he was recovered and died in an effort to protect those that needed him.”

Spock took a deep breath and held it for several seconds. “I… No longer object to your mating my time line’s James Kirk. I understand now why you want to be with him.”

“I will never fully take him from you. He is as much yours as he is mine if that is what you wish.”

“That is what I wish.” Spock whispered.

^.~

Spock awoke, panicked. Taking deep breaths he tried desperately to bring order back to his chaotic mind. It was that dream again. The dream where he was separated from Kirk by a pane of glass. Kirk’s body was already beginning to breakdown from his exposure to radiation. “I’m scared, Spock.” 

“I am here…” All the pain and horror of that moment. All the heartbreak and the need. “Stay with me.” Words he never said aloud, but wished he had. 

The light in Kirk’s eyes faded and Spock felt something snap within him. A connection he didn’t even know existed until it made its presence known by breaking. The sensation ripped his katra from him… Like the death of his mother but much worse. The urge to destroy the one responsible overwhelmed him.

Taking deep breaths he reassured himself that the connection was still there, still pulsing and alive. Khan was safely tucked away in stasis along with the rest of his crew, never to be awakened. Kirk slept peacefully on the other side of the bulkhead, safe. 

Spock wrapped himself in the connection, feeling it anchored within him. Only then did he fall back asleep.

^.~

Spock frowned as his T’hy’la reappeared on the transporter pad. The connection that had been absent finally flared back to life, overwhelming his senses. 

“Spock…” Kirk smiled at his Vulcan. “Without a beard… Please tell me I’m in the correct universe.” Carefully he stepped off the platform, mindful to the soreness he couldn’t hide.

Spock’s frown deepened. “You are hurt.”

“Nothing I can’t handle.” Kirk waved Spock’s concern away. “How is the ship?”

“We are fully operational.” Spock replied. 

“Good… Good…” Kirk mused. “I’m heading to the medical bay.” And with that the captain began to shuffle off.

“Captain?” Spock called from where he stood, watching his T’hy’la’s stiff walk. 

“I’m fine…” Kirk answered with a smile. Glancing about he made sure no one but Spock could overhear his next words. “Mirror Spock liked things a little rough.”

“He touched you?” Spock breathed, instinctively stepping closer to his captain to check over his physical wellbeing. A rage began to build in his chest, seeing hints of rough sex leak through their bond. Had there been any indication from Mirror Kirk that Mirror Spock was capable of being so rough? 

“I’m… Fine, Spock.” Kirk shied away from Spock’s proximity. “I… I just need to go see Bones.” And with that he was gone.

Later Spock checked on his captain in his cabin. “Something happened to you.” It wasn’t accusatory, merely a statement of fact.

Kirk sighed and ran a hand through his hair wearily. “Mirror Spock was starting his Pon Farr.”

Spock froze.

^.~

Kirk found himself pinned between the bulkhead and a bearded Spock. For a moment Kirk was grateful that this Spock had managed to make it into the privacy of his cabin before proceeding to attack him. Really he couldn’t bear the thought of being torn limb from limb in the transporter room by an alternate reality Spock.

“Who are you?” Spock demanded, something dangerous in his voice.

“I’m James Kirk.”

“Where are you from?” Spock’s breath tickled the back of Kirk’s ear.

“How do you…?” Kirk began.

“I know my James Kirk and you are not MINE.” Spock answered, pressing his hips against Kirk’s.

“You’re bonded?”

“I know my intended. Where is he?”

“I would imagine he’s taken my place in my universe.”

“Is he safe?”

“Of course he’s safe. My people would never harm him. Why would you say such a thing?”

“Because you are not safe.” Spock responded and stepped away. Pulling Kirk’s hips from the bulkhead he tossed the human towards the bed. “I burn.”

Kirk blinked a few times at the hungry Vulcan who loomed over him. “Pon Farr?”

Spock shook his head. “I calculate I have two days until Plak Tow takes over my mind.” Spock crawled onto the bed. “You will satisfy me until my intended returns. You have a link to my counterpart.”

“Um…” Kirk attempted to move away from the prowling Vulcan. “I am to marry a Spock… Just not the one you’re thinking of.”

Spock stopped and sat up on his knees. “I have an elder in your universe?”

Kirk nodded and looked away.

“The elder tried to take what was mine… I sent him away. In his universe he killed his James Kirk. My commander belongs to me. And you belong to your Spock, but not his elder.”

“He has an intended.” Kirk replied helplessly. “My Spock has a… A woman.”

Spock made a face, the expression looking even stranger with the beard that covered his chin. “T’Pring lives?”

“Not T’Pring.” Kirk replied.

“Who?” Spock whispered, his fingers reaching for the waistband of Kirk’s pants. “Who takes your place?”

“Uhura.” Kirk answered. “They’ve been together for years.”

Something dangerous and possessive passed through the Vulcan’s eyes. Without another comment he flipped Kirk onto his stomach and pulled off his trousers and briefs. The captain found himself naked from the waist down with his ass in the air. 

“Spock…”

“Mine…” Spock answered as he undid his trousers and pushed in without any preparation.

Kirk yelped at the initial intrusion but immediately attempted to relax, knowing natural Vulcan lubrication would ease their union. His shirt was bunched at his armpits as warmer than normal Vulcan hands touched his chest and belly. Spock’s beard tickled as the Vulcan kissed and tongued at the back of his neck. 

With a final grunt Spock pushed in and rested against the human beneath him. 

Kirk’s arm strength gave out and he collapsed atop the bed with a heavy Vulcan on top of him. They lay in that position for a long time.

“Your anus is tighter than I expected.” Spock whispered as he wrapped his arms around Kirk’s waist. “You said you were the intended of my counterpart’s elder…”

“I’m on the Enterprise. He’s on New Vulcan. I only get to be with him during leave.” Kirk answered.

“The elder who came to my universe… He killed his mate.” The Vulcan’s arms tightened. “And then he attempted to take my mate from me. He has no place in my universe. My counterpart should take you for himself.”

“He… He doesn’t want me. He has someone else.”

“All the universes I have known… Kirk and Spock are T’hy’la. All are drawn into mating. It is a universal constant.”

“Not in my universe…” Kirk replied miserably.

Spock rolled over onto his side, pulling Kirk’s body with him so they lay side by side. The Vulcan wrapped himself around the human. “He is your T’hy’la.”

Kirk sighed wearily. “That doesn’t mean we are supposed to be mates. I will mate with his elder because his elder actually wants me. No one has ever really wanted me. He looks at me like I created the universe.”

“I grieve with thee.” Spock breathed, his face pressed against Kirk’s shoulder, breathing in his scent. “I cannot imagine a universe where I would ignore my bond with you. It is too strong for me to resist. Alternately I cannot imagine a universe in which I would willfully destroy that bond by killing my T’hy’la. But I know this to be so from my elder. He claims his mate had to be stopped. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one.” As the Vulcan spoke his hands lightly touched Kirk’s body, exploring the texture of his skin. “You smell like my commander… But you lack his scars.”

“We are different people.”

“I want him back. I need him. But if I could keep you as my own I would.” 

“Your Jim Kirk may not like that idea.”

“He would not…” Spock breathed, kissing the back of Kirk’s shoulder. “But I would cherish thee in a way my counterpart cannot.”

“That’s the Pon Farr talking.” Kirk chuckled softly.

“He does not deserve you.” Spock whispered as he guided Kirk back up onto his knees. “He cannot recognize the katra within you…” With a quick jab he was back inside. Vulcan fingers clutched at human hips, leaving bruises as he pulled Kirk into his increasingly erratic thrusts. “I would worship you. Protect you. Become one with you.” Each phrase was punctuated by his hips. “You are mine…” Spock suddenly pulled away and flipped Kirk over onto his back.

The human stared up at the Vulcan, his eyes full of pain. 

Spock took several deep breaths, focusing on Kirk’s face. Then, silently he pushed himself back inside, watching the human wince. “Your body is not used to this.”

“I told you… I only see my Spock when I’m on leave.” Kirk looked away, unable to stare up at the man who looked almost exactly like his commander. “And he is always gentle.” His body was aware of the length and girth of this younger Vulcan and how it differed from the older Vulcan who cherished him in his own universe. 

Spock placed his fingers at Kirk’s psi points, taking without asking.

Kirk was flooded with memories as this other Spock sifted through his life and fantasies. His commander was above him, inside of him. “Captain… T’hy’la…” Spock moaned, clinging to him in need. His dark eyes were full of hunger and longing.

All at once Kirk found himself climaxing. As his vision cleared he realized what he had seen wasn’t real. There had never been a time or place where his own Spock had done such a thing. The bearded Vulcan captain on top of him was recovering from his own climax. It had been a trick of the mind.

^.~

“We worked on the transporter, trying to find out how to send me back. Every few hours he… Captain Spock needed to be relieved. As his Plak Tow approached he needed me more and more. At first it was in his quarters… But then up against the transporter controls… And the edge of the transporter…”

As Kirk spoke Spock stood in silence, staring at the bulkhead.

“Someone tried to kill me… A crewmember. Mirror Spock just… Killed him. Security came to drag the body away. Spock went back to work as if nothing had happened. But when his next urge came he was more… Forceful.”

Spock took a deep breath, releasing the tension in his fisted hand. “He hurt you.” It wasn’t a question.

“I’ve… Had worse.”

“Not from me.”

“He wasn’t you. He was an alternate you… A mirror you.”

“He was a Vulcan in his prime approaching his first Pon Farr.” Spock answered, dropping his eyes to the floor. “There was no initial bond between you so he could not feel your pain. My counterpart has that connection with you. I… Do not.”

“Spock…” Kirk stared up at his Vulcan commander. 

“My counterpart is mistaken… There is no way I can… I will be like my mirror…”

“Spock?” Kirk gingerly got up from his chair to step up beside his commander. “What’s wrong?”

Spock turned and stared at his captain, hunger and need in his too human eyes. “I… Am having an emotional response. I…” Spock suddenly frowned and turned away as the sensation of lust overwhelmed him. Taking a deep breath he attempted to steady himself even as he felt the atmosphere in the room change. His body began to flush with a heat he never possessed before, reminding him of the heat of his native planet. “I… Burn?”

Immediately Kirk was at his comm, calling for Nyota. “Uhura! To my quarters! Hurry!”

The last thing Spock was aware of Kirk guiding him to lay down on the bed. “It’s alright, Spock… I’m here. Uhura is coming.” Kirk caressed his cheek as the Vulcan’s body shut down to prepare for his approaching Pon Farr. Instinct told him he was safe with his T’hy’la.

^.~

Spock woke in his own cabin. His body still felt like it was radiating heat but it wasn’t as intense as the first wave. His shields could compensate. As he sat up his eyes focused on the incense burner. Someone shifted in the bed behind him and he looked back at Nyota’s sleeping form. For a long time he watched her slumber. Finally he stood and entered the head to wash himself not noticing until too late that it was already occupied.

Kirk blinked back at him, naked and wet from the shower’s water setting humans preferred. His hand had been reaching for a towel when Spock had entered.

Spock’s eyes traveled from Kirk’s damp hair down his face and chest, settling for a long time on the semi-erect genitals between his legs. Spock pondered human anatomy… The benefits of male genitals always on display even when not sexually aroused. Kirk had hair darker than his head hair. And below his penis hung a sack, pulled up to his body in response to the circulation of air in the bathroom. Scrotum… Spock’s brain supplied helpfully from its delay. The human reproductive system from xenobiology provided the Vulcan with information he needed to identify Kirk’s sex organs on display while naked. 

“Spock? Are you alright?” Kirk took a step and then two towards the Vulcan, holding out his arms. “Spock?”

“I burn…” Spock managed, feeling his body respond to his T’hy’la’s proximity.

“I know. We changed course to New Vulcan. We’ll be there in three days. How long do you have until your Plak Tow sets in?” 

Spock shook his head, unable to form answers when Kirk was so close. “Jim…”

Kirk startled, hearing his first name from his commander’s lips. “Spock? Maybe you should go back to bed. Nyota can help you with your symptoms.”

And then Spock moved to wrap Kirk in his arms, feeling the other half of his katra pressed up against him. His own genitals reacted to the proximity. Kirk’s lower hair tickled his penis. 

Kirk lightly rested his hands on Spock’s back. “Come on, Spock… Back to bed. Nyota can help you.”

“T’hy’la…” Spock moaned, nuzzling against Kirk’s neck to take in his scent. “Share my bed.”

“I can’t, Spock… You’re about to marry Nyota.” Kirk found himself herded backwards towards the door to his cabin. They made contact with the door and there was nowhere to go.

Spock allowed his lips and fingers to explore his T’hy’la’s skin, the tingles made both of them tremble. “Please, Jim…”

“You have Nyota… I have the ambassador.”

“No!” Spock snarled and caught Kirk’s shoulders to press them against the door, eyes intense on the man before him. “You are mine.”

“Please don’t do this to me.” Kirk begged. “We can’t be together… You chose Nyota. She loves you. You love her. You don’t love me.”

“You are mistaken.” Spock answered kneeling on the floor and leaning in to smell his T’hy’la’s musky scent between his legs. Even though Kirk had washed, the excitement had renewed the scent. Experimentally Spock tasted the now engorged organ. It was different from his own. It didn’t retract inside the body. There was no lubricating oil to aid in coitus. It was pink and firm. A liquid bead oozed from the tip and the Vulcan tasted it, pondering its saltiness. Humans were salty like the ocean of the planet that birthed their species.

Kirk made a garbled noise and rested his hands on Spock’s head as if to push him away, but too weak to do so. “Please Spock… We can’t… We can’t…” And yet his fingertips caressed Spock’s ear tips.

“Spock?” Nyota’s voice queried. 

Spock gave a small growl, intent on exploring his T’hy’la’s alien phallus. Everything within his body told him this is what he wanted more than anything else in the universe.

Kirk pushed the Vulcan away, blinking at his communications officer who wore only a sheet wrapped around her body. “I was… Taking a shower.” Belatedly he reached for the towel that he had left out for his shower. Self-consciously his fingers combed through his wet hair. “I was taking a shower and Spock came in and… And please just take him back to his cabin.”

At that moment the feral Vulcan focused on the dark bruises on Kirk’s pale hips. “What has he done to you?”

Kirk attempted to cover himself. “Go with Nyota… Please, Spock?”

“He took what is rightfully mine!” Spock seethed, hunger and need in his too human eyes. Standing to his full height he glared at Kirk.

“I’m… Not yours.”

“You should be.” The words were low and dark in the small bathroom currently occupied by three people.

“But… I’m not.” Kirk looked to Uhura for help. The look Uhura gave him was dangerous. “Spock… Come on. Go back to your cabin.”

“Ashayam…” Spock whispered, his voice raw and hungry. 

Kirk looked away at the floor. His chest tightened, hearing that word uttered by Spock’s lips for the first time. “That’s the Pon Farr talking…” The captain muttered and bit his lips.

Spock leaned in closer and kissed Kirk, possessively pushing his tongue into the human’s mouth. Breathlessly the Vulcan pulled away, pressing his forehead against his captain’s. “Captain… T’hy’la…”

Kirk was suddenly hyper aware of where they were and what they were doing. Spock had his hands on Kirk’s sides, their bodies pressed together. Spock used his weight to keep the human against the door. They weren’t having sex but the words and the intonation had been the same as the fantasy the other Spock had pulled from his head to force him to ejaculate. Kirk gathered his strength and shoved the Vulcan back. “Mr. Spock… Get a hold of yourself! We’re both engaged to marry other people!” And with that Kirk hit the sensor to open the door to his cabin. “You don’t want me!” The last thing he saw as the door shut in Spock’s face was the dark hungry look of a Vulcan denied.

^.~

“Captain?” Uhura looked exhausted.

Kirk sat up at his desk, regarding his communications officer. “Lieutenant?”

“It’s about Spock…” Uhura bit her lip nervously, finding the corner of Kirk’s desk fascinating. 

“We arrive at New Vulcan tomorrow. His father has been made aware of his condition. How is he holding up?” Kirk asked, setting down the PADD he had been reading.

Uhura took a deep breath and looked Kirk in the eye. “Not good.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“He needs you.”

Kirk blinked and then looked away. 

“I would not be here… But… Jim he really needs you.”

“In what way?” Kirk asked, frowning at her use of his first name.

“I can’t help him. He needs you.”

Kirk shook his head. “What are you talking about, Lieutenant? You’re going to be married. We’re going to New Vulcan for your wedding.”

“After you left he withdrew into himself. I can’t get him to eat or drink. He’s hurting, Jim… Please. He doesn’t respond to me. And he keeps repeating your name. You have to be with him.” 

“I can’t. I’m engaged to his elder self.”

Uhura shook her head. “You can’t let him die…”

“No! This isn’t supposed to happen!” Kirk stood up and began pacing. “You’re supposed to marry Spock and I’m supposed to marry his elder. Both Spocks are with the people they need to be with.”

“He doesn’t want me.” Uhura answered, distress in her eyes. “He wants you.”

“You can’t be wanting this…”

Uhura shook her head. “It doesn’t matter what I want. I won’t let him die. If you love him… And I know you do… You’ll help him.”

Kirk sat for a time, staring at the monitor on his desk long after Uhura went back to Spock. Finally he made the connection. 

Elder Spock appeared on the monitor. “Jim…”

“Spock…” Kirk answered with a smile that didn’t touch his eyes.

^.~

The Vulcan lay curled up on the bed naked, unable to lay prone. His control was slipping. Kirk sat down beside Spock and gently began to rub their fingers together. “I’m here, Spock. I’ve got you.”

Slowly Spock began to relax and uncurl. His eyes were still distant and he gave no sign that he knew Kirk was there to comfort him. 

^.~

“Plak Tow, Jim. Spock will not make it to New Vulcan. And if he rejects Uhura as his bondmate…” Elder Spock shook his head.

“But I promised you…”

“I value your promise, Ashayam. It gives me great pleasure to hear you say that. But without you this universe’s Spock will die. He needs you.”

Kirk shook his head, staring down at his desk in confusion. “He doesn’t even love me…”

“Universal constant...” Spock began and then shook his head. “Trust me, Ashayam. He needs you and he will cherish you.”

“I’m so sorry.” Kirk whispered miserably.

“This is not your fault, Jim. Go save my counterpart. Cherish him as you have cherished me.”

“I love you.” Kirk breathed as he touched the screen. 

“And I you.” Spock answered. “Always.” His too human eyes were haunted and sad as the screen went blank.

^.~

Kirk stood and undid his robe, allowing it to pool at his ankles. Stepping out of them he climbed naked onto the bed beside the almost catatonic Vulcan. “I’m here, Spock.” Unable to move Spock’s hand to his face he resorted to rubbing his cheek against the Vulcan’s fingers. 

Time seemed to drag on with Kirk draped on top of Spock’s body, his face nestled between wrist and chest, taking in Spock’s scent. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. You’re deep in Plak Tow. Are you supposed to meld with me? Fuck me? You have to give me some clue, Spock.” Idly his hand touched Spock’s hip and trailed down his thigh. “I’m not a Vulcan… I can’t initiate a meld.” Kirk propped himself up on his elbows to look down at Spock’s feverish face. “You have to show me what to do.” His lips kissed Spock’s fingertips and he lightly began to suckle at pinkies, knowing what reaction his tongue usually got to such an action on older fingers.

Reaction was immediate. Kirk found himself on his back with a heavy Vulcan on top of him. His face was still feverish but his eyes were regarding Kirk curiously. 

Kirk pulled up his knees, holding Spock’s body between his thighs. His hand touched Spock’s hand and guided it to his face. As the meld overwhelmed him his eyes rolled back. Just before losing consciousness he saw a golden thread form strong and bright, anchored in his mind.

Time passed but Kirk wasn’t sure if it had been minutes or hours. Spock lay on his side and Kirk’s belly was wet and sticky. Touching the mess he regarded it with calm detachment. Never had Mirror Spock ejaculated… Of course that could have been because he had not yet reached his first Plak Tow. Kirk sighed and rolled over against Spock, wrapping an arm around the other man’s waist. “This is insane, Spock… You don’t even really want me. You love Nyota… Remember? I’m just the guy who frustrates you by being so damn illogical. All I am is… T’hy’la. Not husband… T’hy’la.”

“Jim…” Spock moaned softly.

“We’ll get through this, Spock…” Kirk replied with a sigh, tightening his arms around the Vulcan’s body. “What do you need from me?” From experience with the elder Spock he knew vaguely what would theoretically excite this Spock. Mirror Spock had been different. What if they all were different and he got it wrong? Kirk decided to start with the basics. Gently he began to lick and kiss Spock’s fingers.

“T’hy’la… Do not leave me…”

“I’m here.” Kirk answered as he nibbled on Spock’s index finger. 

“Sucking fingers… Is… Not logical.”

“You’re not logical!” Kirk chuckled softly. “You’re in the middle of Plak Tow… Nothing’s logical about that.” Reaching down he grasped Spock’s penis, rubbing his thumb between the ridges as his pinkie dipped into the genital slit to tease the shaft that was still within Spock’s body. “I know my way around a Vulcan.”

Spock gave a shaky sigh and pushed his hips up to meet Kirk’s hand. 

“Control, commander.” Throwing a leg over Spock’s legs he sat up, straddling the Vulcan beneath him. Scooting forward just a bit he placed his half aroused penis against the Vulcan’s. “You want me?”

“Ashayam…” Spock whispered, his hands reaching out as if to grab Kirk and pull him down.

“Tell me you want me.” Kirk begged, moving his hips just a bit to rub them together, his own penis becoming oily from Spock’s lubrication.

“Please…”

Kirk sat up on his knees and scooted forward just enough to be able to impale himself on the slick organ he was holding. As his body sunk down he closed his eyes and relaxed, feeling it push in deeper and deeper until he was flush against Spock’s hips. Opening his eyes he stared down at the feverish Vulcan beneath him. Leaning forward he knew Spock would start the meld to once again link them together.

Spock had a moment of clarity, his first in many days it seemed. His penis was encased in his T’hy’la’s tight heat, similar to Nyota’s… But somehow much more pleasurable. His human willingly submitted himself to Spock’s needs and that overwhelmed the Vulcan. A moment of raw, hungry desire filled his senses and he wanted nothing more than to roll them over and take his pleasure from Kirk’s body. The instinct to mate was overpowering. But he desperately wanted to take in every detail of this, their first time sharing pleasure. It was unfortunate such a time happened while his own Vulcan instincts threatened to run amok. His fingertips found Kirk’s psi points and he wrapped an arm around the almost too delicate human body above him. His tongue was numb as he muttered the words of his ancestors meant to link their minds for the rest of their lives. They were still far away from the burning sands of his people… The planet of his birth being lost forever. But wherever James Kirk was, Spock was home. And with that the meld overtook them and they fell into it together.

When Kirk came to he was on his back with Spock rutting away between his thighs. The meld connection had been broken when Spock moved his hand to gain better leverage for fucking. That’s all this activity could be called… For that’s what it was. There was nothing gentle about it. Spock strained with each thrust, animalistic growling escaping his throat to the point of keening. If there was one thing James Kirk knew how to do, it was fuck… Especially the mindless hard kind. Reaching down he grabbed Spock’s butt, pulling him in deeper with each thrust. Under the palms of his hands he could feel the muscles working. His fingers slipped and he pulled harder. “Come on, Spock.” It didn’t hurt, it felt really good, Spock seemed to instinctively know where Kirk’s prostate was at any given time.

With a final cry Spock went stiff.

Kirk felt something cool within his bowels and knew Spock had ejaculated. One hand released the Vulcan’s ass to massage the base of his spine, knowing that’s where Spock’s testicles would be. They pulsed under his fingertips and Spock gave another soft cry. The sound seemed to hit a spot in Kirk’s brain and he found himself pulsing along with Spock’s pulses. Kirk sighed in contentment and kissed Spock’s shoulder, taking in his familiar and somewhat musky scent. 

The Vulcan relaxed and rolled away. His eyes weren’t as feverish as they had been. “I am sorry if my actions hurt you.”

Kirk shook his head and reached out to lightly trace Spock’s cheek and chin to remind himself this wasn’t a dream given to him by an alternate reality Spock. “I’m not hurt. But I am sorry.”

“You have no reason to be sorry.” Spock answered, taking in the comforting heat of the human entangled with him.

“I took you from Nyota.”

“You did not take me from Nyota. I have always belonged to you.”

“Since when?”

“You were in the Kobayashi Maru simulator…”

“You were still dating Nyota!”

“You captured my attention unlike any other cadet before you. I became obsessed with you.”

“Spock… You’re not making sense. You hated me. You tried to kill me.”

“I was emotionally compromised. I lost my mother, my planet and my fiancée. There was a gaping void within me.”

“But you were with Nyota!”

“I regret that I did not further our relationship once I realized what you are.”

“What am I?”

“T’hy’la.” Spock answered, gently mirroring Kirk by touching the human’s face. 

“So? I know what T’hy’la means. It never meant we had to… Do this.”

“You chose my elder as your mate. You did not give me a chance.”

“You had Nyota.”

Spock’s fingertips lightly traced Kirk’s human ear. “But I still wanted you.”

Kirk blinked and frowned, focusing on Spock’s lips.

“I burned for you. I felt shame for wanting to keep you for myself.”

“Spock…”

“I could not marry Nyota. I could not let my counterpart take you away. Mirror Spock took what he wanted without thought. I am more like him than I care to admit…” Spock rolled over onto his back and stared up at the ceiling.

Kirk shifted to look at his moody Vulcan. “Mirror Kirk was here. Did you interact with him?”

^.~

“Captain!” Kirk greeted with a smirk on his lips and a swagger in his step. 

Spock looked up from the controls. Something was wrong. The connection that he should have felt from Kirk was absent. There was no reassuring presence in the back of his mind. It was like Kirk was a hologram. And there was no humor that would usually came when Kirk teasingly called him “Captain.”

“Captain… Are you alright?”

Kirk frowned and looked about the room as if confused. “Captain? Where am I? What’s wrong with your uniform? Where’s your beard?”

“If you will come with me…” Spock started towards the door.

Immediately Kirk grabbed Spock and kissed him, pushing his tongue into the Vulcan’s mouth. 

Spock froze and yet something in his instinct allowed him to open his mouth just a bit for this man who wore his T’hy’la’s face. 

Kirk pulled away and looked around again. “The connection is gone! Where am I? What have you done with my Spock?”

“Somehow you have switched places with my Captain.”

“Switched places?” Kirk asked. And then he started to giggle.

“What is so humorous?”

“Nothing… Nothing… He’s going to have the time of his life.” The giggle was almost maniacal. 

“Please explain your statement.” Spock requested, feeling a bit alarmed by this Kirk’s reaction.

“Are you a virgin in this universe, Spock?” Kirk asked with a wicked twinkle in his eye. Stepping closer he lightly touched Spock’s chest with his fingertips. 

“That is none of your business.” Spock replied as he took a step away from the predatory Kirk.

“I’m pretty good at sucking Vulcan cock…” Kirk grinned.

Spock’s mind wandered for just a moment before he regained control. “We will need to find a way to return you to your universe. If you will come with me…”

“Cum with you?” Kirk snickered. “I know you can’t ejaculate yet.” Closing the distance between them he leaned against Spock’s chest. “You can orgasm… But you’re still shooting blanks, right?”

Spock did not answer.

Twelve hours later Spock and the other universe’s Commander Kirk were on their hands and knees in the transporter room, working on their plan to switch the Kirks back. The work would have been quicker with more crew but Spock did not trust this Kirk not to make inappropriate comments. The other crew members were working in engineering and the bridge. 

“What do you think of my ass?” Kirk asked looking over his shoulder at the Vulcan. “Does your Kirk have an ass as nice as mine?”

“That is not important.” Spock responded, trying to focus on his work.

“Not important? Don’t you like grabbing it when you fuck him?”

Spock took a moment to compose himself before returning to his work. “This conversation, as I have made clear many times before now, is completely inappropriate.”

“Oh… You haven’t fucked him yet, have you?” Kirk sat back on his heels and cocked his head to the side. “What’s wrong? Can’t get it up?”

“Let us continue working.” Spock answered.

“Just kidding! I know it doesn’t ‘get up’ per say. It unsheathes.”

“Have you finished those adjustments?”

“Almost there.” Kirk answered, making the last few adjustments on the panel he was working on. “You know what I like? When it’s barely poking out… Just barely. And then I use my tongue to coax it until…”

“The sooner we finish these adjustments the sooner you can return to your universe.” Spock nearly snapped.

Kirk worked for a few minutes in silence, sucking on his bottom lip. “Do you miss him?”

Spock chose to ignore Kirk’s question.

“You probably miss him. My Spock once chased down Orion Pirates and took them out one by one because one of them touched me. He laid their bodies at my feet. That night he called me ashayam for the first time. Bet you can’t wait to get your ashayam back.”

Spock silently continued his work without comment. And three hours later his T’hy’la connection returned.

^.~

“Your counterpart seemed to be obsessed with talking about inappropriate topics.” Spock answered truthfully.

“Really? What did he say?”

“He made many statements to make it clear he knew Vulcan anatomy intimately.”

“So he was just like me.” Kirk chuckled softly.

“You do not make inappropriate comments.”

“Well… Not when you’re around.” Kirk giggled.

“Mirror Spock was possessive of you even though you did not belong to him.”

“He offered to keep me. I told him his James Kirk wouldn’t like having a second Jim Kirk hanging around. He agreed.”

“There were bruises on your hips.”

“I told you he was rough with me.”

“There might be bruises again…”

“Spock, what is wrong?” Kirk sat up on one elbow to look down at his Vulcan. “What are you getting at? Yes, he was rough. What does that have to do with you?”

“I took you from another Spock.”

“Spock… We have a connection. It’s not like with Mirror Spock. I didn’t have a connection with him so he didn’t know how rough he was with me. I have a connection with you… And your elder.”

“I am showing possessive tendencies.”

Kirk stared at Spock for a long time. Neither one of them spoke as the minutes ticked by. Finally Kirk lay back down on his side, facing the Vulcan. “It’s because I belong with you. It broke my heart that I couldn’t be with you. I spent my entire life alone… Unloved. Ambassador Spock told me it was because we are one spirit… Katra. We belong together… But you didn’t want me. You had a life with someone else. And then he showed me what life could be like… Bonded to a Spock… How complete I would feel. Oh, I wanted that. I wanted it so much. And he knew all the ways to please me. I was so happy. For the first time in my life I was really happy. Because I was with you… But I wasn’t with you. I had the other half of my soul but it wasn’t the other half of my soul this universe meant for me be with. Oh, Spock…” Kirk flopped back onto his back, pulling up his knee and feeling Spock’s semen ooze out of his ass. “When Nyota came to me and told me she couldn’t help you… I was terrified. I contacted your elder. What was I supposed to do?”

Spock rolled over onto his side, watching his human.

“He said… This universe meant for us to be together. That his interference wasn’t supposed to happen. That he… He released me to go build my life with you amongst the stars. His James Kirk desperately loved those stars. That this Pon Farr was our chance to put right what didn’t quite happen in his own universe.” Kirk sighed and covered his eyes with his arm. “I still love him… How can I not when he’s given me so much? Now he’s given me a chance to be with you. If you want me, that is.” Kirk lifted his arm to give a cautious glance at the Vulcan beside him.

Spock had his mouth open in surprise. Hesitantly he reached out and touched Kirk’s chest.

Kirk scooted over until he was flush against Spock, resting his head on the Vulcan’s shoulder. “So… Does that mean ‘yes’?”

Silently Spock nodded and wrapped himself around Kirk, cradling his human in his arms. “I… I cherish thee, husband… Always.”

Kirk wrapped his arms around his other half and held him tightly, never wanting to let go.

^.~

Kirk made a face at himself in the mirror, staring at his robe. Lifting his arm, he stared at the fabric.

“You look…” Elder Spock began as he stepped up behind Kirk. “You look good.” The Elder gave a smile to the young man in the mirror.

Kirk smiled back, shyly. “Just good?”

Spock grinned at the young captain, a twinkle in his eyes. “You are radiant.”

“That is not a word a Vulcan should use.”

“I find myself too old to care. It is something I regret not telling my own James Kirk.”

Kirk smirked and leaned back against the Vulcan. “I’m nervous.”

“You already went through Pon Farr. This is merely a formality.”

“I know… But it sort of finalizes this whole thing. I will be my Spock’s husband.” 

Spock nodded and leaned into Kirk’s back.

“Are you alright?”

“It is as it should be.” Spock replied.

“I can still help you with Pon Farr… Right?”

Spock gave a gentle sigh, taking in the scent of Kirk’s hair. “We are still T’hy’la. Our connection has not broken.”

“I’m glad.” Kirk turned around and kissed the Vulcan on the lips. 

Spock blinked and took a step away. “It is time. The drums call us.” The old Vulcan led the way to the new family place of marriage of battle, standing in as his family. His old human eyes watched in regretful silence as T’Pau checked the bond and announced his Jim to be mated. Tears threatened to spill as he watched his T’hy’la bind himself to another Spock. 

^.~

Kirk and Spock began to adapt to their new roles as mates. They walked in sync. On away missions they seemed to know when the other needed something or was in trouble without speaking. More than once crew witnessed Spock hold out his hand for a tool and Kirk drop it into his hand without any communication between them. Spock still attempted to act as a shield to the annoyance of his human mate. 

“Knock it off!” Kirk growled. Spock merely raised an eyebrow at him. The alien that had attempted to attack Kirk fell to the ground, having received a nerve pinch to incapacitate him.

After they returned to the Enterprise they did what became a habit after a hazardous away mission. Spock was not satisfied until Kirk cried out his name in a fit of passion. Too many times he remembered a day when Kirk died and there was no cries or smiles to reassure his T’hy’la that he still lived. They had returned from their mission with Kirk as a cold, dead corpse waiting for Khan’s blood to revive him. And then there had been three weeks of agony waiting for Kirk to awaken from his coma, no guarantees that he ever would.

“Spock…” Kirk sighed, panting for air. His body satiated and hot from their love making. “Every time…”

Spock silenced him with a kiss the human way. That kissing quickly became another round of sex. Kirk was always ready for whatever Spock demanded of him. The human was blessed with a quick refractory period.

“Spock…” Kirk moaned between kisses, wrapping his legs tightly around Spock’s hips to pull him closer.

At that moment the comm sounded. Spock froze and Kirk slapped at the button. “Kirk here.”

“Captain…” Uhura began, her voice wavering. “Your presence has been urgently requested at New Vulcan. Ambassador Spock requires your aid. Starfleet confirms and gives this highest priority.”

“Understood… New Vulcan, maximum warp. Kirk out.” Kirk smacked the button again to turn it off. Returning his attention to Spock who still lay atop him he gave a small smile. “Duty calls.”

Spock gave a thrust and then another and another. Resuming his pace, he quickened his speed. His breathing labored as he moved with more hunger and need.

“Spock… Spock!” Kirk wrapped his arms around Spock’s shoulders, his legs attempting to trap the frantically moving hips. 

Spock stilled and grunted. His seed spilled and he collapsed with a groan.

“It’s just for a couple of days. I’ll come back to you… I promise.”

^.~

Spock sat in Ambassador Spock’s meditation garden attempting to control the emotions that flowed through him. 

Uhura approached and sat down beside him. “How are you holding up?” 

“His shields do not exist. I can feel it all.”

Uhura winced. “I’m sorry, Spock.”

“I can only limit my shields. His mind is reaching out for me. I am attempting to keep him grounded in a situation he has no grounding.”

“It will be over soon though, right? It’s been two days.”

Spock frowned.

^.~

Two days before…

Kirk stepped up onto the transporter pad, a bit confused at the Vulcan who followed him. “You don’t have to come. It’s not like we’re getting married.”

“It is my right to be there for you.” Spock replied as he took his place on the transporter pad. “As your mate I am your nearest kinsman.” Spock gave the signal and they were both transported down to New Vulcan.

“Won’t this be difficult for you?” Kirk asked. “Distance might make things easier.”

“I go where you go.”

Kirk led Spock to Ambassador Spock’s residence. “You probably won’t want to come in.” With a quick kiss he entered the house, leaving Spock behind to wait for two days.

^.~

“Have you seen your father?” Uhura asked.

“I am where Jim needs me to be.”

“It’s just not fair.” Uhura sighed. “I would hate to be stuck in the mind of my husband as he’s having sex with someone else.”

Spock took a deep breath to focus himself. Suddenly he opened his eyes. “It is done.” Quickly he got to his feet.

^.~

Kirk rolled over and smiled at Ambassador Spock. “I’m sorry.”

“It is not your fault, Jim. I made the choice for you.” Spock rose from the bed.

“It’s still not fair.”

“He needs you. He will always need you. This is as it should be.”

“I still feel bad…”

“Do not grieve, ashayam.” Spock turned to Kirk and gave him a smile. “I am content.”

Kirk got up from the bed and wrapped his arms around the old Vulcan. “Thank you for loving me.”

“Always.” Spock reached up to cup Kirk’s cheek in his palm. “Always, Jim.”

^.~

Spock’s hands clutched behind his back as he stared expectantly at the door.

The door opened and Kirk stepped out. His eyes lingered on Uhura and Spock. Giving them a smile he approached them. “You didn’t have to come meet me.”

Spock looked like he was ready to have an emotional display that he wisely kept in check due to Uhura’s presence. “Welcome back.”

“Spock has been here in the garden the whole time.” Uhura announced.

Kirk blinked in surprise, regarding his husband. “Really? I thought for sure you would…”

“Negative.” Spock answered. “Besides I found myself in a state that was not appropriate for public interaction.” 

Uhura could see that Spock was practically vibrating in his need to be alone with Kirk so she graciously stepped away. “I’ll see you two later.” And with that she was gone.

As soon as the communication’s officer was sufficiently away Spock made a grab for Kirk and pulled him into a hug.

Kirk wrapped his arms around his husband, resting his head on the Vulcan’s shoulder. “Was it that bad?”

“I lack the vocabulary to properly express my feelings for the situation.” Spock answered, clinging just a little tighter. “I felt it…”

“I’m sorry…” Kirk sighed, pressing his lips against Spock’s neck. “Forgive me?”

Spock shifted and pulled Kirk into a deep kiss, pushing his tongue into the human’s mouth. In a breathless moment he pulled away but kept their foreheads pressed together. “Ashayam… I do not know how my ancestors survived this. Their wives must have been driven mad knowing their husband was out there….”

Kirk lightly traced Spock’s left ear tip. “This is why you should have stayed on the Enterprise…”

“I belong with you.” Spock breathed.

“I was safe. He would never harm me.”

“His control around you is admirable.”

“He’s got almost one hundred years more experience on you.” Kirk teased. “When you’re old, you’ll have his control.”

“And you will be gone…” Spock froze, suddenly realizing just how bad that would sound to Kirk. “I am sorry. I did not mean…”

“No… I get it. My lifespan is just a small fraction of yours. I’ve been with both of you and I can see what losing me will do to you.”

“I have already lost you once.” Spock breathed.

“Is that why you keep trying to protect me?” Kirk asked. “All those away missions…”

“We should not speak of this here.” Spock pulled away, seeing the effect New Vulcan’s sun had on Kirk’s human skin. 

“I am not a delicate flower, Spock. Don’t treat me as one. I’ve survived much worse.”

Spock called for transport and in a few moments they materialized on the Enterprise’s transporter pad.

“Will you listen to me?” Kirk demanded as he followed Spock out of the transporter room. “I am not delicate.”

Spock led Kirk back to their quarters.

“Spock… Please? Just listen to me.” Kirk managed as he caught up with the Vulcan. “Yes, my lifespan is much shorter than yours. Yes, I can understand that may worry you. But your attempt to protect me puts your life in danger. What about my losing you?”

“You have my counterpart should that happen.” Spock responded.

“So that’s it? You can be reckless because there’s another you?” Kirk reached out to grab Spock by the shoulders. “And this all started because of Khan? My sacrifice to save us…”

Spock pushed Kirk towards the bed until the human fell back upon it.

“I’m sore, Spock.”

Spock carefully lay down beside Kirk. “I will not take your body tonight.”

“Good.” Kirk sighed and cast a leg over Spock’s thighs. “You can’t do this Spock. Did you learn nothing after the volcano incident? I can’t do this without you. Stop telling me I can. I can’t. I have a habit of losing all those I care about… Don’t be one of them.”

“Jim…”

“Do you even care about me? Love me?” And there it was. The first time Kirk directly asked Spock for his feelings on the matter.

“How can you ask me that?”

“Because I don’t know. You were forced into this with me.”

“I was never forced. Do you not comprehend what the word T’hy’la means?”

“I know what it means, do you?” Kirk responded defiantly.

“It means we are one.” Spock answered, lightly tracing Kirk’s cheek with his fingertips. “I was not forced into this union. I chose you. My body ached for you during Plak Tow. You are the one that is most compatible to me.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to love me.”

Spock pressed their lips together almost reverently. “And yet I do.” Wrapping his arms around his captain he held the human close to his chest. “Our time together is too brief. I will do all I can to make sure you are at my side for as long as you live. Do not think less of me for wishing to keep you safe. My counterpart was married to your counterpart for less than a decade. I would have you for longer.”

Kirk sighed, clutching Spock’s shirt in his fists. “Just don’t sacrifice yourself. Don’t leave me alone… Without you.”

“I will endeavor to obey your order.” Spock replied. 

Kirk grunted and pushed Spock onto his back, draping himself over the Vulcan’s body. “Did you miss me?”

“Yes.” Spock’s answer was simple, direct.

“You experienced what I did… Through our link?”

“Yes.”

Kirk sat up a bit to pull up the hem of Spock’s shirts, kissing the skin he found there.

“You are sore.”

“Mm…” Kirk agreed, mouth full of cool skin. 

“But I am not.” Spock whispered, his eyes on the predatory gleam in Kirk’s eyes.

Kirk blinked and sat up on his elbows. “We haven’t done that yet.”

Spock silently shifted his legs so Kirk was between them.

“Spock… We haven’t… You…”

“I am ready for you.” Wrapping a leg around Kirk’s hips he pulled the human closer. “What is it you say when you are desperate for coitus? Ah, yes… Fuck me.” Spock wrapped an arm around Kirk’s shoulders to pull them together. “Fuck me, ashayam…”

Kirk whimpered already hard from feeling Spock rub against him. 

“Where is the James Kirk that had sexual relations with half the cadet population?” Spock growled out.

“Don’t remind me…” Kirk moaned.

“Many times you have attempted to remove my clothing in your imagination… Cadet.”

“This role play thing really doesn’t suit you…” Kirk chuckled. “The idiom is, ‘undress you with my eyes.’”

“Undress me.” Spock breathed, lightly touching Kirk’s face.

Kirk got up and pulled off the robe he had pulled on after Ambassador Spock’s Pon Farr. 

Spock’s eyes went wide and he sat up. 

“What?” Kirk looked down at himself, idly rubbing at one of bruises. “What’s wrong?”

Spock shook his head, unable to speak once faced with the reality of what his husband had been engaged in only an hour before.

“I’ve come to expect this from Pon Farr. It’s not my first… It won’t be my last. Spock… Come on.” Kirk crawled up onto the bed and took Spock’s hand. For a moment he slid their fingers together in a Vulcan kiss. Then he pulled Spock’s hand to force him to touch one of the bruises on his hip. “See? I’m still whole. No internal damage. Just a little contusion.” Kirk scooted closer and reached down to grab the hems to Spock’s shirts, pulling them both over his head at the same time. Tossing the shirts aside he unfastened the closure on Spock’s trousers.

Spock silently allowed Kirk to undress him, obediently lifting his hips so the human could pull off his trousers and boxers. In 33 seconds he found himself sitting naked on the bed.

“Spock? It’s alright. I’m fine.” Kirk climbed in between Spock’s knees and gently pushed him back onto the bed. They lay there, human on top of Vulcan for a few minutes. “Do you still want me to fuck you?”

Spock stirred and looked up at his human husband. “Perhaps it would be safer for you if you were to be on top from now on.”

“Don’t be stupid.” Kirk grinned, idly rubbing himself against Spock. “I love it when you fuck me.” His kiss was gentle even though his hips indecently rubbed. “You’re not yet unsheathed.”

Spock frowned and looked down towards their hips even though he couldn’t see his own due to Kirk’s position on top of him. “I was surprised by the bruising.”

“It’s alright.” Kirk kissed him lightly and then slid down his body. 

Spock opened his mouth to reply but then found he could not. Kirk’s tongue was someplace it wasn’t supposed to be! Vaguely he remembered a Mirror Kirk bragging about such an action. Never had he anticipated his own Kirk to attempt such an action. “Jim…”

Jim pulled off a bit to look up at Spock. His chin was damp with Spock’s natural lubrication. Keeping his eyes on Spock he leaned down to tease the tip of Vulcan’s cock, occasionally pushing his tongue into the slit.

“Please… Please…” But Spock wasn’t sure what he was begging for. Kirk’s tongue felt so good. It was hot and wet. It filled up his nerve sensitive orifice that housed his penis when it wasn’t in use. 

Kirk began to suckle at the tip, using the vacuum of his mouth to attempt to pull more of it out.

“Jim… Ashayam…” Spock resisted the pull, not wanting to lose control and gag his human. “Gently…”

Kirk returned to pushing his tongue in to tease further down the shaft, slurping at the oily fluid that was used to ease coitus on an arid planet. 

With Kirk’s mouth off of his phallus Spock allowed it to fully unsheathe. “Is that what you wanted?”

Kirk hummed and sat up, casually wiping away the oil from his lips with the back of his hand. The other hand he used to stroke Spock from slit to tip and back again, occasionally pushing his finger in to tease the orifice. When he was satisfied he used the oil on his own neglected erection. The blunt tip of his cock pressed against Spock’s ass. “Do you really want this?”

Spock smirked and relaxed his ass, allowing Kirk to easily slip inside.

“Wait! Oh…” Kirk adjusted himself and scooted closer, sinking into Spock’s body. “You’re cooler than a human.”

“You did not know that?” Spock asked.

“I did… I just didn’t realize it would be everywhere.” And with that he gave an experimental thrust and then another. 

Spock closed his eyes, feeling Kirk’s human heat deep within him. Tightening up he smirked when he heard Kirk gasp at the sensation. “Where is this James Kirk technique that drew thousands to your bed?” Spock gave another internal squeeze.

“It wasn’t thousands…” Kirk muttered as he began to move. 

“I heard…”

Kirk grit his teeth, “Shut up, Professor Spock.”

Spock blinked. “Is that an order, Cadet Kirk?”

Kirk kissed him, pushing the taste of his own oils back into his mouth. “Shut up, Professor.” 

Spock licked his lips, a reminder of where Kirk’s lips had been only a few minutes before. “Harder, Cadet… Like you mean it.”

Kirk fumbled around until he found Spock’s hand. Pulling it up to his face he shut his eyes.

Spock obeyed the silent plea and melded them together. Too soon Kirk gave a small cry and went still, his seed hot within Spock’s bowels. Through the meld Spock experienced his ashayam’s orgasm. Within moments his own seed lay in a cool pool on his own belly and his cock slid back into his body.

Kirk lay bonelessly atop Spock, panting for breath. “Don’t talk about my past lovers when we’re having sex.”

“You have had many lovers before me.” Spock responded.

“I have only had you.” Kirk sighed. “You and Elder You are the only ones I would count as actual lovers.”

“You have had many sexual partners.” Spock amended. 

“I’m sorry…” Kirk sighed, curling up on Spock’s chest.

Spock wrapped his arms around his husband. “It is I who am sorry. I lack the experience you desire.”

Kirk burst into giggles and rested his chin on Spock’s sternum to look down at him. “You are everything I want.” Quickly he sat up and looked down at the mess they had made. Catching Spock’s knee he lightly traced bruises on Spock’s hip. “It seems you’re not immune.”

Spock looked down at where the copper blemish began to bloom on his hip. The edges were already turning green. “You did that?”

“See? You aren’t the only one.” Kirk grinned, using Spock’s knee as support. “I can be just as rough.” Kissing Spock’s kneecap he lightly fingered the bruise. “You don’t have to worry about me.” His hand slid down Spock’s thigh and idly touched the Vulcan’s body. “I will try to live for decades so you don’t have to worry about losing me. The other Kirk and Spock… They were together for thirty years. Twenty of those years they were just friends. I’ll give you at least thirty. How old will I be? Sixty three? I can retire. We can find a house in the desert. Maybe New Vulcan. You can run experiments all day. How many Pon Farrs are there in thirty years? Four?”

“You would not wish to retire.” Spock mused.

“If retirement will keep me alive for you so you can keep me until I’m a very old man… How long do humans live now? One hundred years? Maybe more? I’m thirty three now… If I’m careful I can give you at least seventy years. But I want it to be with you. So no self-sacrifice. Don’t make me grow to be an old man all by myself. I realize… When I’m an old man you’ll still be in the prime of your life. And I don’t expect you to be celibate after I’m gone. You’ll have your Pon Farr and you’ll need to remarry. But for now we’re together. Who knows? Maybe you’ll end up in an alternate universe where you meet a younger version of me.”

Spock made a face at that.

Kirk chuckled and hugged Spock’s leg tighter. “The point is… You may protect me but don’t underestimate me. I’m stronger than I look. I may bruise… But I’m not broken.” Kissing Spock’s kneecap again he let go and shifted to lay beside his husband. “Now… If you don’t mind… I’ve been fucking your counterpart for two days and I’m exhausted. I’d like to go to sleep now.”

“Of course, Jim.” Spock replied as he pulled back the sheets of the bed for Kirk to crawl into. The Vulcan settled beside his mate, holding him close.

The lights dimmed and Spock stayed awake, listening to the sounds Kirk made in his sleep. Really he didn’t want to think about the future. There would be a day when his human’s lifespan would run out and Spock would be left alone. It bothered him. Sliding out of the bed he went to the communication monitor and made his request. Within minutes a familiar old face smiled at him.

“Young one.”

“How did you do it?”

“Do what?” Ambassador Spock asked.

“How did you live without him when he died?”

Something dark passed through the Elder Spock’s eyes and he shook his head. “I have not.”

Spock found it difficult to control his emotions at such a response. The human within him wanted to scream and cry out.

“I have taken other mates before and after… But he was always the other half of my katra.”

“I cannot imagine taking any other mate.”

“I am one hundred fifty seven years old. My James Kirk disappeared ninety four years ago.”

Spock took a deep breath and held it, trying to control the overwhelming fear and sadness he felt hearing his counterpart’s admission. “Is there nothing I can do?”

“Cherish him, Spock.” The Elder smiled at his younger self. “Cherish him with all your heart until his dying day. And when he is gone continue to cherish him and honor his memory.”

At that moment a warm body wrapped itself around Spock’s shoulders and looked into the monitor. “Hi, Spock.”

“Greetings, ashayam.” The Elder smiled at Kirk. 

“I’m going to take my husband back to bed now, if you don’t mind.” Kirk announced, gently unfolding himself from around the Vulcan to pull him away.

“Goodnight, ashayam.” The Elder answered. “Goodnight, Spock.”

“Goodnight, Ambassador.” Spock followed his human back to the bed. “You heard?”

“Every word.” Kirk answered as he climbed into bed and pulled the Vulcan in to join him.

The Vulcan wrapped himself protectively around his mate and shut his eyes. 

\--Finis

**Author's Note:**

> My Mirror-verse is a little different. It's my head canon that in the Reboot Mirror-verse Kirk was never able to rise completely to the top. So he is commander and Spock is captain. Also they have an Elder Mirror Spock. 
> 
> And, of course, Mirror Kirk is Mirror Spock's lover.


End file.
